Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
