You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize