I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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