can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
