I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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