I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
