my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
