what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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