I just saw a hot homeless man
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
