it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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