Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So drunk its hurt
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We are all done wearing pants today
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
