I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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