On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My feet surprised me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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