last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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