why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
no you cant smoke seaweed
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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