My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
