So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
