Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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