I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
