Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
