cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
