just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
