So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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