His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
