don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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