you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
