hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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