the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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