Jerry, you need to find god
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
