my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
