dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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