I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think I am morally bankrupt
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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