So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
