Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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