no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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