____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
