That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
