You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
