first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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