This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
