Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
