lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
