Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
