Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
