went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
