I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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