How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
All the doctor said was why
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
