I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
