Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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