At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
