"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
