i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
