is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
this hospital has no fireball
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
