I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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