Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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