im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
