It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
