oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
