Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
