is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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