your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You need Xanax blowdarts
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
