You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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