I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I deserve this hangover.
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