i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
