she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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