I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
