Me. At least after what I've been through.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
