My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
...so i touched it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
