I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
