you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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