He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
