my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
