yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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