I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
